Dillon's College Essay

When I was 16 years old I got my first job. I worked in a laser tag arena. This is where I learned an important lesson. A job is a job no matter where it might be. The curtain pulled away to reveal the man behind it when my boss, on my first night of work, said to clean the toilets.

My boss and I wound up being friends and have maintained a good friendship over the years. Tina's son was about 6 years old when I first started the job. Dillon was a small red-headed child that had the imagination of a dreamer, the energy of a coyote, and the verbal level of a martian inhabiting a child's body. Now he is heading off to school, and Tina sent me Dillon's college essay to read over......

I had to post it:

It seems that a good portion of my teenage years were spent in the guise of a rogue of the seas, a pirate, if you will. However, since there is little in the way of legitimate piracy careers outside of the Straits of Malacca, I will have to content myself to the study of what lies beneath the waves, instead of plundering upon them. Despite my tendency to lean towards the ways of a buccaneer, I do have a true passion for Marine Biology. Unfortunately, I cannot completely express this through words alone. Being stuck in a mountainous area of Connecticut has effectively cut me off from exploring the ocean, or even venturing near it, for quite some time. Nevertheless, this inland isolation has certainly not dampened my enthusiasm for the subject at hand.

Aside from my oceanic passions, I also have a number of other interests and hobbies. Foremost among these is my musical instrument, the bagpipes. If anything, the decision to play the pipes came almost on a whim, but I have dutifully pursued it for the past three years. I am now a full- fledged member in the Waterbury Police Pipe and Drum Band. Such was similarly the case with my pirate persona, which also was spawned upon a whim, and now is such a facet of my personality that anyone who knows me would subsequently identify me with that. I also act as a sort of "rabble-rouser" for the student body. While outwardly I am a student council representative, and editorialist for the school paper, I actively cause more than my share of school spirit based ruckus whenever possible. I know, or am on a friendly basis with everyone in my graduating class, and can use such connections to great benefit when choosing a course of action to help the school achieve a sense of unity, even in the face of interpersonal drama and disparity. This comes in particularly useful during the winter months, specifically basketball season, where I can utilize my role as the school mascot to whip the crowd into a frenzy. Much of the mascotting is specifically with body language, which is most certainly not my forte. It is with the word, both spoken and written, where I most excel in both academics and social situations.

I have been blessed with a quick wit and a sharp tongue, which has been both a help and a hindrance throughout my life, and has gotten me into and out of interesting situations on more than one occasion. Though I have the ability to rattle off one liners with the best of them, I still have yet to learn that careful line which must be tread, and occasionally toed across, but never deliberately strode over. More recently I have begun to exercise a bit more restraint in what I say, but not by any significant degree, much to the chagrin of my teachers. Aside from my overt friendliness and sharp wit, (not to mention extreme modesty, these essays just seem so damn pretentious) I also have my share of rather odd and unique qualities that set me apart from most of mainstream society. I have a rather deep interest in activities which would seem rather archaic and impractical in today's day and age. I have dabbled in both recurve archery and fencing, and enjoyed them to a degree that would almost seem obscene by members of the moral majority. I also have a apprentice level of blacksmithing knowledge, and while when I first began I ended each day exhausted, filthy, and exhaling black fumes, my soot-covered teeth were set firmly in a grin. It could be, and has been said, that I don't have a firm anchor on the plane of reality, and it is entirely possible that those who say that are completely correct.

Indeed, a pirate-reenacting, bagpipe-playing, mascot-wearing, quick-witted, epee fencing blacksmith with a passion for Marine Biology may seem peculiar to some, downright weird to most, and just plain wrong to others. However, if such is wrong, then I sure don't ever want to end up right.